The Other Side of Grief

The past couple of months have been overwhelming to say the least; with the loss of family members, close friends and acquaintances. I held myself back from writing this post, but then, I realized that there’s a side of grief that isn’t spoken of as much as it should. When we speak of grief, most of us solely associate it with death (the physical loss). Here, I am referring not only to the physical loss, but to the mental loss as well. I am referring to the other side of grief, fueled by hatred and vengeance.

There was  a woman, who fell in love with her acquaintance husband and eventually married him. The first wife had children with the man and the second wife had a few herself. The first wife took her children and relocated, chose not to get divorced and not to fight for her marriage either. The second wife stayed put, invested and raised her children together with her husband. They stayed together through thick and thin; everything seemed fine, life went on and years went by. One day, the husband died and hell broke loose.

The first wife who had her ears clogged all along returned with a spirit of vengeance, reclaiming everything and anything as much as the law permitted regardless of merits. Was it the right thing to do? Yes and No.

YES – I have put myself in the shoes of the first wife and felt her own pain. You can say she is a victim too. She was betrayed by her friend, who wed her husband and she can go as far as stating that the anger and disappointment kept her away from the man she loved and forced her to raise their children as a single mother (even though the husband was involved in every aspect of their lives). Still, this woman is stuck in the past and cannot seem to move past that point.
NO – Why did the first wife wait until the death of the husband to make a fuss? If she really intended to be out of the picture, she should have stayed out until the end. I am not saying that she wasn’t entitled to anything, but becoming a tyrant is not right. Now it looks like the first wife is working hard to destroy what is left of the second wife (including her surroundings) to compensate for her ‘what could have been.’

“Hate is nothing but a feeling that consumes us all in a moment of despair and sorrow; a moment of regret and envy.” ― Joan Ambu

Thanks to a corrupted system, the second wife looses almost everything. From this point, she receives death threats quite often. Still, she stands tall while raising her children. She counts her blessings; she shows gratitude towards those who stand by her side and remains humble.
Life went on, years went by and this July, she died. With her gone, the other side is trying harder than ever to acquire what the deceased left behind: what doesn’t belong to them. The goal this time is to hurt the deceased’s children. This is where I believe a line has been crossed. This is evil and wrong on many levels.

Even though the step-children always knew that their step-mother and older half siblings disliked them, they never reciprocated the feeling; on the contrary, they were kinder. With the loss of their mother the World has become a little darker. Those they thought they could count on have completely given up on them and as I helplessly watch the chaos unfold, my heart aches. The first wife loved her husband so much that she is willing to ruin the lives of his children? It is simply appalling.

Why are the sins of the parents projected on the children? These people didn’t ask to be created and now their fate is being decided by those who should have compassion on them. I am against violence and I always remind people to seek peace and if they prefer to fight, to pick on someone who can fight back.
Everyone loves material things, I do to. However, amassing material things as your sole life purpose is not an indicator of a good life and you have to be a broken soul to think otherwise.
Holding a grudge against someone is not something to be proud about. We are free to forgive a wrong or not, but we must remember that not forgiving in itself is sin. No one has the ability to return to the past and unless we allow ourselves to let go of our hurts and fears in order to move on to better things, we will be stuck there (creating our personal hell).

“We turn evil when we lose our capacity for compassion.” ― Joan Ambu

Remember that hate is not innate and every dog has its day. Always Choose to Love.