Pain of Death

The last couple of weeks have been heartbreaking with news of acquaintances passing away. As we scrolled down their social media profiles, I was saddened by a few insensitive comments left by family members, friends and strangers. Right away I could tell the difference between those who have experienced a loss and those who didn’t have a clue about the pain of death, thus writing insensitive and infuriating comments.

I want to believe that those offering their sympathy and best wishes mean well. Oftentimes those comments are misplaced. A simple I am sorry about your lost is enough to comfort the mourner. May the soul of your loved one rest in peace and I am praying for you are very soothing too. What I found comforting was the company of my friends sitting silently by my side ready to break my fall. There are things you just don’t tell someone going through a loss such as:

• It was their time. Yes, we do understand that. Just don’t remind us.
• It’s life, accept it and move on. Seriously? Now you are telling people how to feel?
• Comparing death to God picking the best flower in a garden. If that is such a wonderful thing, why don’t we pray and ask Him to come pick as many beautiful flowers in our garden?
• Thinking a deceased is happy to be reunited with their predecessors in death. I do not know of anyone who is consciously looking forward to the after life when they have so much to live for.
• I will personally not tell someone their loved one is in a better place because I do not know that for sure and I cannot explain why dying is better than being here.

We must all face loss at some point in Life. My advice to those who have not gone through the pain of death is to fight the urge to say something because everyone else does. When you finally decide to say something, think hard about it before giving it life (is it kind, comforting, soothing, uplifting, insensitive, hurtful, infuriating?) Choose your words carefully and be mindful that the family is hurting and might be reading your comments.
To those who mourn, I recommend you reach out to someone you trust and get some help. Even though the road to acceptance and letting go seems endless; you will experience peace once again.

“In the absence of uplifting words, Silence is the best choice.” ― Joan Ambu

Respect for the Departed Legacy

I don’t know if it’s neglect from family members or some kind of sick trend to have deceased individuals on social media (still accepting friend requests as well as taking part in various discussions).

• Honor them by promptly deleting their social media accounts
• Do not share pictures of their final days (those should be kept private)
• If you must, express thoughts of love rather than insensitive comments
• Honor the family request for privacy
• Respect the families way of expressing grief
• Assist surviving family members if you can
• Send Prayers to the bereaved family

Our own fear of dying is turning some of us into individuals who honor the dead far more than the living. Go to funerals or just look around you to witness the hypocrisy. Often times, those who care less about each other when they are alive are the first ones to paint a beautiful picture about their relation to the departed. It is shameful and sickening.
In addition to the hypocrisy, there are countless more reasons why some cultures are against open casket and never display their loved ones bodies at funerals. Sometimes enemies are present at funerals, which is very disrespectful to the departed who can no longer fight for themselves. Be the voice of the silent person.

“Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.” – Benjamin Franklin

Love people while they are still alive because they will appreciate it better than someone in a helpless state. They need it more than the dead.

Choose to Love.