Most Fridays we drive down the Hill to get away from the High Desert heat. This morning however, we decided to stay put and visit a few nurseries. As we drove to Lowe’s early in the afternoon, we saw thick dark smoke rising over the mountain. We heard over the radio that a fast-moving wildfire was spreading through the Cajon Pass destroying vehicles and homes. At that moment I realized how lucky we were because had we not decided to stay in town, we most likely would have been trapped in a standstill traffic in the Cajon Pass.
Cajon Pass Fire.
Due to the strong winds, our beautiful sky turned gloomy within the hour. The sight was heartbreaking. We could see helicopters and air tankers dropping water on flames as well as fire retardant on nearby grass.
Cajon Pass Fire.
Summer is the peak season for wildfires and most of these fires are caused by careless individuals.
“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.” – Henri J.M. Nouwen (The Road to Daybreak: A Spiritual Journey).
I got a painful call a little while ago informing me of the death of my childhood friend; my best male friend. I feel alone. Time seems to have stopped. I am torn apart. I am falling apart …
We found each other not too long ago after seventeen years and now I have lost him for good.
Nothing is worth loosing a good friend and we shouldn’t give up too easily when it comes to saving a relationship because we cannot reset time. We should strive to stand tough with one another, especially when the odds seem to be against us. Life is short. Live and learn. Love and kindness don’t cost a thing. Spread some Love.
May God be with his family and get them through these difficult times.
“He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” ― Revelation 21:4
We spent a beautiful time with my friend in Arizona.
It was our first time in Scottsdale and my well behaved kids have been looking forward to this trip.
We toured the city, went to Church, ate at Restaurants. We talked a lot, laughed a lot, prayed a lot and hugged a lot. On our last day we went to the Phoenix Zoo. Due to the unbearable heat,we were only able to visit part of the Africa Trail.
It’s been a while. So much has happened around my gardens since my last blog post and I have been busier than before. The weather has been hectic lately and days like these I think I must be completely crazy to live in the High Desert. I can’t stand the wind, dirt and debris flying all over the place. It’s just insane.
Rabbits and Squirrels have returned.
Fortunately for me, there’s nothing soft enough for the Rabbits to eat. Not being able to climb on the Almond Tree, the Ground Squirrels are so desperate for food. They have been digging up bulbs, damaging irrigation tubing as well as attempting to dig holes throughout our property.
Cottontail Rabbit.
The set of tiny rose bushes I transplanted (Pristine® Hybrid Tea Rose and Chicago Peace® Hybrid Tea Rose) a while back have bloomed for the first time. They look more like climbing roses and the colors are different. It makes me wonder if what I transplanted was a Rose Sucker. We will build pretty trellises to support the branches.
Climbing Rose.Climbing Rose.
Until next time, have a very good start to your weekend.
The last couple of weeks have been heartbreaking with news of acquaintances passing away. As we scrolled down their social media profiles, I was saddened by a few insensitive comments left by family members, friends and strangers. Right away I could tell the difference between those who have experienced a loss and those who didn’t have a clue about the pain of death, thus writing insensitive and infuriating comments.
I want to believe that those offering their sympathy and best wishes mean well. Oftentimes those comments are misplaced. A simple I am sorry about your lost is enough to comfort the mourner. May the soul of your loved one rest in peace and I am praying for you are very soothing too. What I found comforting was the company of my friends sitting silently by my side ready to break my fall. There are things you just don’t tell someone going through a loss such as:
It was their time. Yes, we do understand that. Just don’t remind us.
It’s life, accept it and move on. Seriously? Now you are telling people how to feel?
Comparing death to God picking the best flower in a garden. If that is such a wonderful thing, why don’t we pray and ask Him to come pick as many beautiful flowers in our garden?
Thinking a deceased is happy to be reunited with their predecessors in death. I do not know of anyone who is consciously looking forward to the after life when they have so much to live for.
I will personally not tell someone their loved one is in a better place because I do not know that for sure and I cannot explain why dying is better than being here.
Image Source: OM.SymphonyOfLove.net.
We must all face loss at some point in Life. My advice to those who have not gone through the pain of death is to fight the urge to say something because everyone else does. When you finally decide to say something, think hard about it before giving it life (is it kind, comforting, soothing, uplifting, insensitive, hurtful, infuriating?) Choose your words carefully and be mindful that the family is hurting and might be reading your comments.
To those who mourn, I recommend you reach out to someone you trust and get some help. Even though the road to acceptance and letting go seems endless; you will experience peace once again.
“In the absence of uplifting words, Silence is the best choice.” ― Joan Ambu
Respect for the Departed Legacy
I don’t know if it’s neglect from family members or some kind of sick trend to have deceased individuals on social media (still accepting friend requests as well as taking part in various discussions).
Honor them by promptly deleting their social media accounts
Do not share pictures of their final days (those should be kept private)
If you must, express thoughts of love rather than insensitive comments
Honor the family request for privacy
Respect the families way of expressing grief
Assist surviving family members if you can
Send Prayers to the bereaved family
Our own fear of dying is turning some of us into individuals who honor the dead far more than the living. Go to funerals or just look around you to witness the hypocrisy. Often times, those who care less about each other when they are alive are the first ones to paint a beautiful picture about their relation to the departed. It is shameful and sickening.
In addition to the hypocrisy, there are countless more reasons why some cultures are against open casket and never display their loved ones bodies at funerals. Sometimes enemies are present at funerals, which is very disrespectful to the departed who can no longer fight for themselves. Be the voice of the silent person.
“Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.” – Benjamin Franklin
Love people while they are still alive because they will appreciate it better than someone in a helpless state. They need it more than the dead.
By JM Perez
