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Choose to Love

Racists don’t hate; they fear

JM Perez By JM Perez5 min read2.1K views

All human beings are created in the image of God (Genesis 1:26-27).
All of human life is equally valued in God’s eyes (Genesis 9:5-6).
All human life is sacred because all humans are made in the image of God, who is sacred (Genesis 9:8-10).

“Racists don’t hate; they fear.”

Racism can be found in every part and corner of the World. It has always existed and it is as old as human civilization. Racism, which is fueled by fear evolved from jealousy, envy, greed and murder. Racism is not about a specific race, it is also found within a same racial group (ethnocentrism, xenocentrism, same-race discrimination,… etc.)
Racism happens through every type of people from all walks of life. You can be white and be biased against other white people as you can be a person of color and be biased against other people of color.

The hostility of racism is more apparent today than ever and has been taken too far.
The first murder of all times is recounted in Genesis 4:1-16, when Cain killed his brother Abel in a fit of jealousy. Cain feared that God would not love him as much as He loved his brother. This was the beginning of the hatred between brothers. Each and everyone of us is subject to sinful impulses and the only way to win the battle against these desires is to choose to love by practicing acceptance.

“Racism is not about hate, but the ability to control.” — Joan Ambu
Image Credit: Nikkolas Smith

“Hate is self-inflicting, self-destructive.”

People who hate are simply silently crying for help. They are drowning in delusions and projecting their self-inflicted wounds to the World. So, next time you come across someone who blurs out slurs and other crazy nonsense, be cool and walk away. Such individuals are not at peace with themselves.

You cannot hate what you do not understand. And once you come to understand that which you thought you hated, you start fearing it. Why? Because at this point you realize that this thing or that person is equal or better than you. You see its quality and potential and you still refuse to accept it. So you turn bitter and you want it gone without given it a chance to exist and without given yourself a chance to get to know the person. In the end, you still are not at peace, because the fear remains.

The fear of the unknown pushes some people to use all means to control it. People should be proud of who they are, of their origin and heritage. We should not, however, be proud of being racist; there is no trophy for such title, just penalties and sanctions.

“Racism is the fear of one’s race disappearing or being overshadowed by another and becoming powerless.” — Joan Ambu
Image Credit: Dolly Li

“Racism is the fear of the unknown.”

The real racists usually don’t acknowledge it because they understand the weight of the word; they find ways to prove the contrary. These individuals show little to no respect for other races and they have a peculiar way of revealing their true nature in everything they do or say. How can you recognize such people? Through their actions, non-actions and choice of words. These individuals lack empathy and when questioned, become defensive (they have been caught).

The “proud” racists a.k.a brainwashed, are just ignorant. These are the individuals whose parents sang to them from birth that other races are inferior and they grew up believing the lie. You cannot be a racist if you do not grasp the impact of the word. If you ask these people why they are so proud of being racists, none will give you a satisfactory answer or one close to making sense. When questioned, these individuals become offensive (they lack knowledge on the subject).
With the exception of those who have educated themselves on the subject and those whose forefathers were subjected to slavery, you do not understand what it means to be dehumanized if you have never been a target of it. To be proud of something so wrong and not being able to sympathize with someone else’s pain means you have lost your humanity.

Change starts with the person needing the change:

  • Change starts with me. It starts with you and the rest flows.
  • Our actions should always begin with self-reflection; we should talk less and listen more.
  • Show others how you want to be treated and it starts with you being kind to yourself and then treating others with the same kindness.
  • Don’t be violent and don’t respond to violence. Two wrongs have never made a right and silence does not equate defeat.
  • Don’t let anyone drag you in their scheme – don’t willingly assist them in achieving their mission; there is no gain for you.
  • When told to do something that feels unsettling, ask why, just like little children do, until you get a fair answer. Children have no other choice but to listen to their parents (who should know better). Once mature, they should seek the truth by doing their own research.
  • Parents, do not rob your children of their innocence for your own agendas.

Racists are not confident individuals; they have been conditioned for too long to accept their ignorance. Confident people are happy people; they don’t belittle others because they have nothing to fear, nothing to lose. Most racists have little to no knowledge of their history and origins or they are simply ashamed of it.
They know quite well, that they too “do not belong” and so, they dislike sharing space with others for fear of being overshadowed. Ignorant people don’t like to be educated, therefore arguing with, or attempting to convince an ignorant person is a waste of time. We can only pray for their hearts and eyes to open to the truth and challenge themselves to do better.

In the face of racism, we must decry the injustice. I salute each and everyone of you for joining the fight against racism and promoting inclusion for all. Let us all be a part of the solution. Together we can create a better and safer World by becoming the voice of a silent person.

In the midst of chaos and the unknown, always choose to love.

The Other Side of Grief

JM Perez By JM Perez4 min read1.4K views

The past couple of months have been overwhelming to say the least; with the loss of family members, close friends and acquaintances. I held myself back from writing this post, but then, I realized that there’s a side of grief that isn’t spoken of as much as it should. When we speak of grief, most of us solely associate it with death (the physical loss). Here, I am referring not only to the physical loss, but to the mental loss as well. I am referring to the other side of grief, fueled by hatred and vengeance.

There was  a woman, who fell in love with her acquaintance husband and eventually married him. The first wife had children with the man and the second wife had a few herself. The first wife took her children and relocated, chose not to get divorced and not to fight for her marriage either. The second wife stayed put, invested and raised her children together with her husband. They stayed together through thick and thin; everything seemed fine, life went on and years went by. One day, the husband died and hell broke loose.

The first wife who had her ears clogged all along returned with a spirit of vengeance, reclaiming everything and anything as much as the law permitted regardless of merits. Was it the right thing to do? Yes and No.

YES – I have put myself in the shoes of the first wife and felt her own pain. You can say she is a victim too. She was betrayed by her friend, who wed her husband and she can go as far as stating that the anger and disappointment kept her away from the man she loved and forced her to raise their children as a single mother (even though the husband was involved in every aspect of their lives). Still, this woman is stuck in the past and cannot seem to move past that point.
NO – Why did the first wife wait until the death of the husband to make a fuss? If she really intended to be out of the picture, she should have stayed out until the end. I am not saying that she wasn’t entitled to anything, but becoming a tyrant is not right. Now it looks like the first wife is working hard to destroy what is left of the second wife (including her surroundings) to compensate for her ‘what could have been.’

“Hate is nothing but a feeling that consumes us all in a moment of despair and sorrow; a moment of regret and envy.” ― Joan Ambu

Thanks to a corrupted system, the second wife looses almost everything. From this point, she receives death threats quite often. Still, she stands tall while raising her children. She counts her blessings; she shows gratitude towards those who stand by her side and remains humble.
Life went on, years went by and this July, she died. With her gone, the other side is trying harder than ever to acquire what the deceased left behind: what doesn’t belong to them. The goal this time is to hurt the deceased’s children. This is where I believe a line has been crossed. This is evil and wrong on many levels.

“Owning your story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll do” – Brené Brown

Even though the step-children always knew that their step-mother and older half siblings disliked them, they never reciprocated the feeling; on the contrary, they were kinder. With the loss of their mother the World has become a little darker. Those they thought they could count on have completely given up on them and as I helplessly watch the chaos unfold, my heart aches. The first wife loved her husband so much that she is willing to ruin the lives of his children? It is simply appalling.

Why are the sins of the parents projected on the children? These people didn’t ask to be created and now their fate is being decided by those who should have compassion on them. I am against violence and I always remind people to seek peace and if they prefer to fight, to pick on someone who can fight back.
Everyone loves material things, I do to. However, amassing material things as your sole life purpose is not an indicator of a good life and you have to be a broken soul to think otherwise.
Holding a grudge against someone is not something to be proud about. We are free to forgive a wrong or not, but we must remember that not forgiving in itself is sin. No one has the ability to return to the past and unless we allow ourselves to let go of our hurts and fears in order to move on to better things, we will be stuck there (creating our personal hell).

“We turn evil when we lose our capacity for compassion.” ― Joan Ambu

Remember that hate is not innate and every dog has its day. Always Choose to Love.

Grief Journey and Support

JM Perez By JM Perez3 min read954 views

The last couple of weeks have been heartbreaking with news of acquaintances passing away. As we scrolled down their social media profiles, I was saddened by a few insensitive comments left by family members, friends and strangers. Right away I could tell the difference between those who have experienced a loss and those who didn’t have a clue about the pain of death, thus writing insensitive and infuriating comments.

I want to believe that those offering their sympathy and best wishes mean well. Oftentimes those comments are misplaced. A simple I am sorry about your lost is enough to comfort the mourner. May the soul of your loved one rest in peace and I am praying for you are very soothing too. What I found comforting was the company of my friends sitting silently by my side ready to break my fall. There are things you just don’t tell someone going through a loss such as:

  • It was their time. Yes, we do understand that. Just don’t remind us.
  • It’s life, accept it and move on. Seriously? Now you are telling people how to feel?
  • Comparing death to God picking the best flower in a garden. If that is such a wonderful thing, why don’t we pray and ask Him to come pick as many beautiful flowers in our garden?
  • Thinking a deceased is happy to be reunited with their predecessors in death. I do not know of anyone who is consciously looking forward to the after life when they have so much to live for.
  • I will personally not tell someone their loved one is in a better place because I do not know that for sure and I cannot explain why dying is better than being here.
Image Source: Symphony of Love.
Image Source: OM.SymphonyOfLove.net.

We must all face loss at some point in Life. My advice to those who have not gone through the pain of death is to fight the urge to say something because everyone else does. When you finally decide to say something, think hard about it before giving it life (is it kind, comforting, soothing, uplifting, insensitive, hurtful, infuriating?) Choose your words carefully and be mindful that the family is hurting and might be reading your comments.
To those who mourn, I recommend you reach out to someone you trust and get some help. Even though the road to acceptance and letting go seems endless; you will experience peace once again.

“In the absence of uplifting words, Silence is the best choice.” ― Joan Ambu

Respect for the Departed Legacy

I don’t know if it’s neglect from family members or some kind of sick trend to have deceased individuals on social media (still accepting friend requests as well as taking part in various discussions).

  • Honor them by promptly deleting their social media accounts
  • Do not share pictures of their final days (those should be kept private)
  • If you must, express thoughts of love rather than insensitive comments
  • Honor the family request for privacy
  • Respect the families way of expressing grief
  • Assist surviving family members if you can
  • Send Prayers to the bereaved family

Our own fear of dying is turning some of us into individuals who honor the dead far more than the living. Go to funerals or just look around you to witness the hypocrisy. Often times, those who care less about each other when they are alive are the first ones to paint a beautiful picture about their relation to the departed. It is shameful and sickening.
In addition to the hypocrisy, there are countless more reasons why some cultures are against open casket and never display their loved ones bodies at funerals. Sometimes enemies are present at funerals, which is very disrespectful to the departed who can no longer fight for themselves. Be the voice of the silent person.

“Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.” – Benjamin Franklin

Love people while they are still alive because they will appreciate it better than someone in a helpless state. They need it more than the dead.

Choose to Love.