Bullying Help

When the bully oppresses you without using words …

Child abuse just doesn’t happen at home. It happens everywhere, especially at schools and from the individuals you would suspect the least: teachers. It seems to be a growing trend lately. Teachers, the silent bullies. These abuses are not limited to assaults, public humiliation, unfair grades, isolation, discrimination,  etc. Bullies are finding new methods to upgrade their game and it is our duty as parents to be watchful.

For the first time in the eight years that my son has attended an elementary school, he is dealing with a teacher who doesn’t like him and who is trying her best to fail him wherever and whenever possible. My son doesn’t slack off and has always been an A student for the past 7 years (above grade level). Every single one of his previous teachers had nothing but good thoughts and best wishes for him. This year, he’s met someone who wants to break his spirit: Mrs. Diaz.

I remember a few years back, when teachers would either call a parent with concerns or send a note home. Things were really good then because of the ongoing communication. Now, some teachers think they can toy with our children just because, you know, they have some authority over our children while we are not watching. My kids are extremely respectful and their greatest flaw is that they are perfectionists and sometimes too smart for their own good. I have an accent due to the fact that I went through a French education system and I have always encourage my children to correct me whenever my pronunciation is off.

A couple of weeks ago, during parent-teacher conference, I realized that my son’s teacher is holding a grudge against him for correcting her in front of the whole class. Mind you, she didn’t bring the issue up until I asked about his behavior in class to which she responded, “he’s rude to me, correcting me all the time.” This is a woman who says she doesn’t believe in punishment, yet she doesn’t hesitate to sanction my son based on her mood of the day. Of course, I apologized and asked why I wasn’t notified of it. I instructed my son right there to stop correcting her. She went on bragging about working towards her master’s degree and her years of teaching. She made the mistake of telling us a story about refusing to help a former student who used to be rude to her. Red flag! Did this woman just tell me she will ruin my son’s life if he keeps on correcting her? Is this behavior acceptable to anyone? For a school with bad ratings and extremely low rankings, these are the type of teachers they hire? Are they just out to destroy our children? And we wonder why our children are struggling so much! Go figure!

This school strongly believes that the bad behavior of a single student should tarnish the entire class. The school seems to take pride in this strange idea. The principal says he doesn’t agree with it; however, he told me straight out “I can’t do that” when I suggested he could advice his teachers to stop penalizing the whole class for the behavior of one student. He doesn’t agree, yet he let’s it slide?  This is abuse!
They threaten students to sit them next to someone they dislike/don’t get along with, if they don’t behave. I know this for sure because I talk to other parents, to other kids and to mine. How do you think these kids will feel toward a classmate who gets them punished every time because of the classmate’s bad behavior? Isn’t this another way of encouraging bullying? Am I missing something here?

Sure, they have fun activities for the kids, none of which really help struggling students to learn, read or write.  How about we start listening to parents’ concerns and get those kids some much needed help? What exactly are they celebrating when their school is doing so poorly? 4827th of 5,662 California Public Elementary Schools (rankings for the 2017-18 school year, via SchoolDigger.com). I personally know two parents who took their bright kids out of this school due to discrimination and bad management. Most teachers are great and you can tell teaching is their calling. Others are show-offs who yearn for recognition and play favorites (these are the ones who always look forward to teacher appreciation week).

“Now, we must all fear evil men. But, there is another kind of evil which we must fear most and that is the indifference of good men.” – The Boondock Saints

The thing I despise most at this school (and everywhere else) is the fact that some teachers deny kids their right to use the bathroom and force them to hold it. The idea of maintaining control over kids has gone too far. They will give you excuses such as allowing kids to use the bathroom disrupts the class or that kids just want to go out and play (some probably do).  What about when the teachers need to leave? Don’t they go as they please, as often as they please and stay as long as they please?
No excuse gives them the right to put our children’s health at risk. In my daughters class for instance, points are deducted each time (from the group table where the kid seats) whenever a kid from that table leaves to use the bathroom and in other classes, the kids have to move their pin down whenever they go. What if a child develops urinary tract infection, kidney failure from bladder pressure or bowel obstruction, will the school take responsibility? We cannot tell kids when to go and when to hold in waste because that’s not how the body works. This is not right and it’s not a healthy thing to do. This is abuse and neglect.

My kids cannot function properly without water and they need plenty of it throughout the day. At every start of the school year, I make sure their teachers are aware of it. And I also request that they please allow them to use the bathroom whenever they need to. I have seen too many kids covered in waste because their teachers told them to hold it and they couldn’t. I am grateful for my well behaved children, who know to respect their teachers and understand that they are in charge of their own bodies. I have instructed them to politely request to step out when needed and to step out anyway, if their teachers deny them the right to do so.  It is their right.

“Educate your children about abusive personalities, to prepare them for the possibility of meeting such people.” – Joan Ambu

I know we are busy as parents, but please, please, take a few minutes every day to talk to your children. Find out about their day, ask if anything good or bad happened at school and how their teachers treat them. Get involved. Many kids are struggling, not because they are not able, but because they are being silently bullied by their teachers and they feel like they have no voice. Be their voice. Be their strength. Fight their fight and win.
I spoke with a few good teachers who want to see change at the school. But when the head is rotten, what do you expect? Good teachers are a school’s greatest asset, they shape and impact student lives. These students, in turn, are what make the school great.

Here are a few red flags you need to pay attention to:

• When you raise concern and the teacher ignores you (they are guilty or simply don’t care)
• When your child complains about a teacher and begs you not to report ( they are afraid of retaliation)
• When the principal has no interested in getting involved (it’s a toxic school)
• Bad grades or drop in grades if your child was great (the teacher is discriminating)
• Stress, sadness if you had a joyful child (abusive teacher)
• Sudden loss of interest in everything (verbal, mental and psychological abuse)

I don’t think the school will change unless someone steps in and cleans house. You know birds of a feather flock together. Every end of year the school sends out a form to rate its performance for that year and gives opportunity to parents to tell them what they like, dislike and what changes they would like to see. I thought it was a wonderful idea, unfortunately there hasn’t been a single change or improvement (none that I have seen to date).

People don’t change, they adapt when odds are against them. I urge you parents to talk to your children and file complaints with your districts if the schools are unwilling to work with you. Hopefully a higher authority will  rid these toxic schools of their bad seeds.

Update here.