Cocoon of Grief

“Soul of Christ, sanctify me,” he said. “Body of Christ, save me. Blood of Christ, inebriate me. Water from the side of Christ, wash me. Passion of Christ, strengthen me. O good Jesus, hear me. Within Thy wounds hide me. Suffer that I not be separated from Thee. From the malignant enemy, defend me. In the hour of my death, call me, and bid me to come to Thee, that with Thy Saints, I may praise Thee for ever and ever. Amen.” — Battletech: Warrior: Riposte (A Warrior’s Prayer).

Two weeks have passed since my friend left the World of mortals and I haven’t stopped crying. His death hurts as much as my Sisters’. I cry so much that my 3-year-old would come up to me, give me a hug and say, “that’s enough Mommy, that’s enough.” I am so thankful for my family for understanding and giving me some personal space to mourn my friend. I have learned some years ago never to question the Will of God as Isaiah 55:11 states that God’s spoken Word will not return empty to Him without accomplishing the purpose for which He sent it.

Last night after putting my kids to bed, I found myself thinking about some individuals whom I miss and who are no longer in my life. I unintentionally read a note my now deceased friend wrote me 20 years ago. I probably shouldn’t have because it did me more harm than good and by the time I realized what I had done to myself, I began praying for myself. He was my silent warrior and the only friend who called me by my last name. When asked why, he said he loved who I was and not what I was. He saw me past my shell.

I miss each and every one of those beautiful souls so much and I can only hope that they are now where they deserve to be (rejoicing with the Almighty). The pain is constant. Often as dormant as an inactive volcano, patiently waiting for the right moment to erupt. The Bible advises and cautions us not to dwell on the past. Worrying is an energy drainer and a dead-end. It weigh us down, it robs us of joy and inner peace, it traps us and we are never free. I know I will meet them all again, the day the Lord calls me Home. For now, I will keep moving forward.

“Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. ” — Philippians 3:13 (KJV)