Personal Quest

Not Looking Back

JM Perez By JM Perez3 min read699 views

“When a thing is done, it’s done. Don’t look back. Look forward to your next objective.” — George C. Marshall

While pursuing my graduate degree, I befriend a wonderful person with whom I worked on various projects. During the course of our friendship we shared so much about each other. This person was pleasant all around except when asked about his family. At first it was just a “there’s nothing much to say about my family.” Being naive at the time and not quite grasping his point, I asked again a month later and he told me his story. He was in a much better place.

As sad as it may be, some people are born into the wrong family. When the environment becomes toxic, when you feel like you are running out of oxygen, when your life seems to be on a timer around such individuals and life presents you with some challenging circumstances, it’s time to move on.

A good family is essential to an individual’s well-being. Family is wonderful when everyone comes together in a loving way and lift each other up. Unfortunately not everyone is lucky enough to be born into one. No one should waste their time pleasing others for the sake of togetherness or the fear of being alone. At the end of each day we only feel hurt and broken inside. I know the feeling too well as I went through that myself.

Image Source: PictureQuotes.com.
Image Source: PictureQuotes.com.

Of course, there’s always the possibility of reconciliations. I love second chances. I love to give and I am grateful to receive. I know that everything positive and sought with love is always uplifting and healing. My mind, which I programmed long ago to only see beauty in the World, is starting to rebel. I must accept fate. I must accept to let go, to never look back and never regret because I gave my best and held on tight until the end.

Today I was reminded by a sibling about a fact I always held to be true. That truth, believe it or not, was the last push I needed to completely free myself from the bondage that I have been living in. I am accepting the things I cannot change; however, I will distance myself from and no longer tolerate them.

“I have learned that to be with those I like is enough.” — Walt Whitman

Being with people who have our happiness at heart and a genuine interest in us is a huge blessing. Self accountability, accepting the things we cannot change and learning from our failures is the greatest remedy to Happiness. Knowing and understanding that as desirable as material things are, they can never replace the joy we feel when surrounded by people who love us. As for me, I hold those I care about close at heart.

Just because we lived a certain way from the start doesn’t mean we should continue living that way. Also, being part of a circle doesn’t mean we must stick together till the end.

It is possible to create beauty from ruins, just like a Phoenix, rising from its ashes.

The Power of Positivity

JM Perez By JM Perez2 min read801 views

“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” – Lucille Ball

I have been enjoying the presence of my Mother for a month now and I can’t begin to explain the peace and serenity surrounding us. Unlike her past visits, this one has been awakening as she finally was able to connect a few dots together on her own. She said I have changed and turned into a more compassionate being.

I smiled at her and simply told her that my attitude has changed because I am in a constant state of gratitude.
I trust myself. I weigh my words before releasing them. There are some situations which cause us to point fingers, judging others and question their choices. As I explain to my children who constantly ask so many questions, before you venture into the judgmental arena, always put yourself in your opponent shoes. Those individuals who go through body modification (scarification, extreme tattooing, piercing, implant and so much more), skin bleaching/whitening most likely do not feel that their current bodies define them.

When people no longer wish to embrace the body they are in, we should understand that something isn’t necessarily wrong with them and move on. It is not our place to judge anyone because we do not agree with their choices. What we do, feel and think is right, may not be right to someone else and that’s the nature of Life. Paul H Dunn  said Happiness is a journey, not a destination; happiness is to be found along the way not at the end of the road, for then the journey is over and it’s too late. Living in the moment is what we should all thrive to do.

The Things You Take For Granted, Someone Else is Praying For.
Image Source: SearchQuotes.com.

While you are busy hating, judging, blaming, cursing someone or just being negative; someone somewhere is dying, fighting for their life, perhaps wishes they could be loved. Worst, while you’re being negative, life is passing you by, you make yourself miserable and those individuals you dislike continue to live their best life. Hatred will never grow anything but hatred while Love will grow more Love.

There is tremendous Power in Positivity and it can only come through when we decide to stop placing too much emphasis on the third person. Unless we are true to ourselves and hold ourselves accountable for our own mistakes and stop making excuses, unless we put an end to futile redundancies and embrace the body we live in, we will cease to enjoy Life and see beauty in the World.

Our days on Earth are numbered; thus, we must focus on ourselves.

“Be yourself—everyone else is already taken.” ― Oscar Wilde

I’M Back to Writing

JM Perez By JM Perez2 min read727 views

My last published book was a little over a year ago and since then I have only been able to write a coupe of Poems here and there.  I have been asked by friends all year long about my next book release. Well, the good news is that there is one in the making; however, far from completion. I love to write, yes. But I only do so when I have something meaningful to share. I do not write for the sake of writing as inspiration has to be genuine and flow through me (as well as other places) before I can begin to produce something inspiring for my audience.

Early in the month I was graced with a request to write a Personalized Poem for a special event and since then ideas have been overflowing. I should be able to put everything together in a day, but it’s not as simple as it seems given that the Poem is for some individuals who have been a tremendous source of Blessings in my Life.

Notepad, Fountain Pen & a Vase with Artificial Peony.
Notepad, Fountain Pen & a Vase with Artificial Peony.

Sometimes you just have to find a need and fill the need. In my case I have recently had a couple of interesting life changing experiences which have inspired me to pull out my notepad and start writing. I have always believed that there is something magical about writing and I held that thought to be true once I began writing as a mean of self-healing/self-empowerment/self-freedom/self-motivation twenty-one years ago.

Now, to stay focused and complete the next book …

“The Empty Chair”

JM Perez By JM Perez2 min read573 views

A man’s daughter had asked the local pastor to come and pray with her father. When the pastor arrived, he found the man lying in bed with his head propped up on two pillows and an empty chair beside his bed. The pastor assumed that the old fellow had been informed of his visit and got the chair ready.

“I guess you were expecting me,” he said.
“No, who are you?”
“I’m the new associate pastor at your local church,” the pastor replied.
“When I saw the empty chair, I figured you knew I was going to show up.”
“Oh yeah, the chair,” said the bedridden man. “Would you mind closing the door?”
Puzzled, the pastor shut the door.

Cast Aluminum Mini Chair“I’ve never told anyone this, not even my daughter,” said the man. “But all of my life I have never known how to pray. At church, I used to hear the pastor talk about prayer, but it always went right over my head.”

“I abandoned any attempt at prayer,” the old man continued, “until one day about four years ago, my best friend said to me ‘Joe, prayer is just a simple matter of having a conversation with Jesus. Here’s what I suggest. Sit down on a chair, place an empty chair in front of you, and in faith, see Jesus on the chair. It’s not spooky because he promised, “I’ll be with you always”. ‘Then, just speak to Him and listen in the same way you’re doing with me right now’.”

“So, I tried it and I’ve liked it so much that I do it a couple of hours every day. I’m careful, though. If my daughter saw me talking to an empty chair, she’d either have a nervous breakdown or send me off to the funny farm.”

The pastor was deeply moved by the story and encouraged the old man to continue on the journey. Then he prayed with him, and returned to the church. Two nights later, the daughter called to tell the pastor that her daddy had died that afternoon.

“Did he seem to die in peace?” he asked.
“Yes. When I left the house around two o’clock, he called me over to his bedside, told me one of his corny jokes, and kissed me on the cheek. When I got back from the store an hour later, I found him dead. But there was something strange, in fact, beyond strange — kinda weird. Apparently, just before Daddy died, he leaned over and rested his head on the chair beside his bed.”

― Author Unknown

“Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’ ― Hebrews 13:5 (ESV)

Peace Within a Grieving Heart

JM Perez By JM Perez2 min read678 views

Early this afternoon, the mail man delivered a special package. Inside this package were some souvenirs Mom brought back from her recent trip to Cameroon and France. I have been looking forward to seeing its content, even though I wasn’t sure how I would react and how it would impact my current state of mind. One is never too prepared for what to expect in life. Today, after fifteen years, I got to see my sister’s beautiful face before her final rest. I remembered all the little details on that treacherous Saturday morning of May 2nd, 1998.

For the first few days following her burial, I looked at her pictures every night after prayers and before going to sleep. I couldn’t find peace and rest the night I skipped the routine. Her still images were a tremendous source of comfort and I was so grateful that she could bring so much peace within my grieving heart. Some days I would be at peace with the facts and during others, a flow of sorrow would come upon me unexpectedly.

Photo credit: Brad Browne.
Photo credit: Brad Browne.

Going through a damaged and incomplete album this afternoon, I was overcome with anger. How could those entrusted with its safekeeping allow it to be exposed to the elements and others, since there are pictures missing. I had to calm myself down and remember that everything I need is indelibly imprinted on my mind. Nothing and no one can take away the memories of a loved one or the truth I’ve come to know. Today I wept, felt anger, laughed and experienced once again the peace that comes from acceptance and letting go.

My heart goes out to my Mother and I will live the rest of my life doing right by her, God being my helper.

We must all face loss at some point in Life. When it happens:

  • Give yourself plenty of time to grief. As long as you’re not planning on harming yourself or someone else, there’s no right or wrong way to grief. Deal with it your own way.
  • Talk about it. Reach out to someone you trust and open up.
  • Seek professional help when needed. Get some support to help you get through it.
  • Be gentle with yourself. It happened and nothing you do now will turn back the clock.
  • Strive to find joy and the will to carry on. Start by recalling the good memories and building on them.

“Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o’er-fraught heart and bids it break.” — William Shakespeare