“Motherhood: All love begins and ends there.” ― Robert Browning
Mother’s Day Flowers (Pink Tulip Bouquet).
WONDERFUL MOTHER by Pat O’Reilly
God made a wonderful mother,
A mother who never grows old;
He made her smile of the sunshine,
And He molded her heart of pure gold;
In her eyes He placed bright shining stars,
In her cheeks fair roses you see;
God made a wonderful mother,
And He gave that dear mother to me.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the wonderful Moms out there!
“Forgiveness is above all a personal choice, a decision of the heart to go against natural instinct to pay back evil with evil.” — Pope John Paul II
As a teenager, I often heard my mother say that some people are born without conscience. I knew she said it to ease some of my pain and to get me started on my healing journey. Life as we know is and will always remain a mystery; what I know for sure however, is that people are born equal and heredity sets us apart. Everyone has a conscience which allows us to act on our choices and decision making. Once in a while, my mom would repeat that statement as we jokingly poked at the past, and somehow it just infuriates me now.
As a child, I was a third-party observer to constant intentional psychological, emotional and physical abuse toward someone very dear to me-from someone I loved and trusted. By the time I became a teenager, I was scarred by those horrendous, repeated acts of violence. I was still a child, weak and helpless, who knew the corrupt system couldn’t help me and worst, would conspire against me. I went from a third-party observer to an actual victim. While living daily through extreme fear and uncertainty, the trauma of my sister’s sudden and unexpected death left me in a dark place. I was alone with an unstable mind, going through a deep depression. I was literally a walking dead …
For months, I was consumed by anger, mainly towards myself for being weak. I sought help and was blessed by the generosity of some and the invaluable advice of others. After witnessing my mother slip into a deep depression herself, as she struggled not only to cope with the death of her child, but also to keep me alive, I made the conscious decision to forgive my offender in order for both my mother and myself to live. What was done was done and I could not change that. The only thing I could do was to let go of the pain and chose to live. I made that choice willingly and reinvented myself. To this day I never received an apology and I do not expect one. I am much happier and more understanding now.
“The act of forgiveness takes place in our own mind. It really has nothing to do with the other person.” — Louise Hay
It’s extremely hard to forgive someone who has deeply hurt us and refuses to make amends, especially when every single cell in your body screams for retribution. It’s a feeling I know too well, since I survived it and came out stronger than ever. What can forgiveness do for you?
Too many of us have been thought that forgiving someone who has hurt us is a sign of weakness, and doing so gives the person more control over us. We have been thought that getting even with the perpetrator is the only way, if not the best way to regain our peace. Though two wrongs have never made a right, sometimes given a person a taste of their own medicine can redirect them to the right direction. This has nothing to do with revenge, but assisting someone in walking in your shoes. It’s about aiding someone to see the World through your lenses. Revenge, as the dictionary defines it, is to exact punishment or expiation for a wrong on behalf of, especially in a resentful or vindictive spirit. Though tempting, we should not contemplate revenge for the following reasons:
It doesn’t ease the hurt
It doesn’t return things to their original state
The satisfaction is temporary
It leaves you bitter and empty
It’s an endless nightmare
In the end, it can be punishable by law
You cannot change the past and you cannot force your offender to restore your peace. You alone have the power to heal your wounds by embracing yourself as you are. It takes time to heal and while going through the process, choose to forgive yourself and choose to love yourself again.
After some time has passed, you will realize that your offender’s apologies wouldn’t have made a difference. They hurt you deeply, perhaps willingly or unwillingly and may have achieved their goal (to destabilize you). However, none of that matters. Yes, the hurt remains. How you respond to injustice done to you will determine the outcome of the well-being (restoring your peace sooner or slowing down your healing process).
“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” — Catherine Ponder
Do not make excuses to shield yourself from what happen. Do not attempt to understand why it happened and do not expect an explanation or an apology. Just acknowledge that it happened. Take back control of your life and do not hold unto your past and your pain. You are no longer a victim and you are no longer a slave to those memories. Believe that you will get through it.
All human beings are created in the image of God (Genesis 1:26-27).
All of human life is equally valued in God’s eyes (Genesis 9:5-6).
All human life is sacred because all humans are made in the image of God, who is sacred (Genesis 9:8-10).
“Racists don’t hate; they fear.”
Racism can be found in every part and corner of the World. It has always existed and it is as old as human civilization. Racism, which is fueled by fear evolved from jealousy, envy, greed and murder. Racism is not about a specific race, it is also found within a same racial group (ethnocentrism, xenocentrism, same-race discrimination,… etc.)
Racism happens through every type of people from all walks of life. You can be white and be biased against other white people as you can be a person of color and be biased against other people of color.
The hostility of racism is more apparent today than ever and has been taken too far.
The first murder of all times is recounted in Genesis 4:1-16, when Cain killed his brother Abel in a fit of jealousy. Cain feared that God would not love him as much as He loved his brother. This was the beginning of the hatred between brothers. Each and everyone of us is subject to sinful impulses and the only way to win the battle against these desires is to choose to love by practicing acceptance.
“Racism is not about hate, but the ability to control.” — Joan Ambu Image Credit: Nikkolas Smith
“Hate is self-inflicting, self-destructive.”
People who hate are simply silently crying for help. They are drowning in delusions and projecting their self-inflicted wounds to the World. So, next time you come across someone who blurs out slurs and other crazy nonsense, be cool and walk away. Such individuals are not at peace with themselves.
You cannot hate what you do not understand. And once you come to understand that which you thought you hated, you start fearing it. Why? Because at this point you realize that this thing or that person is equal or better than you. You see its quality and potential and you still refuse to accept it. So you turn bitter and you want it gone without given it a chance to exist and without given yourself a chance to get to know the person. In the end, you still are not at peace, because the fear remains.
The fear of the unknown pushes some people to use all means to control it. People should be proud of who they are, of their origin and heritage. We should not, however, be proud of being racist; there is no trophy for such title, just penalties and sanctions.
“Racism is the fear of one’s race disappearing or being overshadowed by another and becoming powerless.” — Joan Ambu Image Credit: Dolly Li
“Racism is the fear of the unknown.”
The real racists usually don’t acknowledge it because they understand the weight of the word; they find ways to prove the contrary. These individuals show little to no respect for other races and they have a peculiar way of revealing their true nature in everything they do or say. How can you recognize such people? Through their actions, non-actions and choice of words. These individuals lack empathy and when questioned, become defensive (they have been caught).
The “proud” racists a.k.a brainwashed, are just ignorant. These are the individuals whose parents sang to them from birth that other races are inferior and they grew up believing the lie. You cannot be a racist if you do not grasp the impact of the word. If you ask these people why they are so proud of being racists, none will give you a satisfactory answer or one close to making sense. When questioned, these individuals become offensive (they lack knowledge on the subject).
With the exception of those who have educated themselves on the subject and those whose forefathers were subjected to slavery, you do not understand what it means to be dehumanized if you have never been a target of it. To be proud of something so wrong and not being able to sympathize with someone else’s pain means you have lost your humanity.
Change starts with the person needing the change:
Change starts with me. It starts with you and the rest flows.
Our actions should always begin with self-reflection; we should talk less and listen more.
Show others how you want to be treated and it starts with you being kind to yourself and then treating others with the same kindness.
Don’t be violent and don’t respond to violence. Two wrongs have never made a right and silence does not equate defeat.
Don’t let anyone drag you in their scheme – don’t willingly assist them in achieving their mission; there is no gain for you.
When told to do something that feels unsettling, ask why, just like little children do, until you get a fair answer. Children have no other choice but to listen to their parents (who should know better). Once mature, they should seek the truth by doing their own research.
Parents, do not rob your children of their innocence for your own agendas.
Racists are not confident individuals; they have been conditioned for too long to accept their ignorance. Confident people are happy people; they don’t belittle others because they have nothing to fear, nothing to lose. Most racists have little to no knowledge of their history and origins or they are simply ashamed of it.
They know quite well, that they too “do not belong” and so, they dislike sharing space with others for fear of being overshadowed. Ignorant people don’t like to be educated, therefore arguing with, or attempting to convince an ignorant person is a waste of time. We can only pray for their hearts and eyes to open to the truth and challenge themselves to do better.
In the face of racism, we must decry the injustice. I salute each and everyone of you for joining the fight against racism and promoting inclusion for all. Let us all be a part of the solution. Together we can create a better and safer World by becoming the voice of a silent person.
In the midst of chaos and the unknown, always choose to love.
“Don’t go around boasting about your achievements. Success is only as grand as someone else thinks it is.” – Joan Ambu
Most of us, if not all of us, have met a two faced person. Those individuals who don’t hesitate to disappoint whenever an opportunity arises. You can count on these folks to stab you in the back at any moment if you are not careful. These individuals are full of themselves, thinking they are better than others. They will belittle you while accepting your offering.
There’s a lady who moved into the neighborhood with her family a few years ago, and whom I thought was a nice person after meeting her during an event. Thinking back now, I remember she talked too much, had to have the last word (you know, one of those ‘is my way or the highway attitude’). Last year, they were complains about an individual calling the authorities on others just because they dislike the lifestyle of some neighbors. It turned out to be the deeds of one person. Realizing that no one wanted to mingle with her any longer, she went around accusing others to save face. Those of us who have been here for years jut laughed it out and decided to ignore her after letting her know she was wrong.
Thinking she was better than others to the point of wanting to change the dynamics of the neighborhood, which she has just joined was not wise. There is a chance she simply hoped to bring about positive changes, but who is she to decide how people should live and behave in their own homes? Who are we, as individuals, to dictate what others can do or not do just because we want things to be a certain way?
Perception is all in our heads. That’s why we have brains to help us think.
“There comes a time when silence is betrayal.” — Martin Luther King Jr.
Two faced cowards are dangerous individuals and have no loyalty. They neither respect themselves nor others. They talk the talk and go with the flow, but when it comes to walking the walk, they are nowhere to be found. These individuals will bail on you when you need them the most and when confronted, will either pretend they do not know what just happened or will tell you the opposite of their previous statement. These individuals are not bad; however, the fear of being true to themselves and standing for justice makes them extremely dangerous. It is unpleasant to be associated with such people.
I always encourage people to love and do so without expectations. That being said, be cautious.
Learn to read people. Check if their words and actions compliment each other. Are they filling you up with knowledge and hope or are they requiring so much from you and leaving you feeling empty? In other words, how do you feel after encountering such individuals?
Whatever you do and whoever you are, don’t be too proud. Always choose to Love.
Everyday I’m learning to be a little bolder, you know … be fearless, stand my ground, speak my mind. And everyday I remind myself not to cross that invisible line by setting personal boundaries. It all begins with self-respect.
It is true that you cannot run away from your shadow; however, you have the power and will to keep moving without it being a distraction or an impediment to your new found goals. For so long I didn’t know how to separate the two and I didn’t want to, regardless of the toll it took on me. I thought being loving and caring to some people was not only the right thing to do, but my responsibility (for the sake of peace and to avoid conflicts). There’s nothing at all wrong with being good to others, it’s an act we should all encourage and participate in.
“Lack of boundaries invites lack of respect.”
― Anonymous.
Everyone, at some point in their life, have met cold-hearted individuals. These are not necessary bad people, they are distant, emotionally unavailable and not very sociable. Some open up after a while and others just don’t; making it uncomfortable being around them. However, these same individuals often want to be treated better than they treat others and wonder why others would rather stay away from them.
People are who they are. They don’t change because we ask nicely or forcefully; they simply embrace their true nature. Once we understand these facts, it becomes easier to deal with one another (the key here is to understand the limits and expectations of the relationship and accept it as it is).
Being kind to people because they are weaker, older, sensitive or whatever else, no longer cuts it. It just fuels their need to become more arrogant, selfish as we continue to feed their twisted ego. People need to learn from their mistakes and figure out their purpose in life, even if it requires leaning the hard way.
You Have To Do What Is Right For You. No One Walks In Your Shoes.
Many of us want the best for ourselves and for others. However, if you constantly find yourself on the losing end, then it’s time for you to walk away. Remember that people don’t change. They adapt, so do what is right for you.
My wish for you this year is to love yourself more and start doing what is right for you.
By JM Perez
