Parenting

 It’s Human impulse to tell the version of the story that makes us look good …

If we only knew the many lives that were destroyed from a one-sided story, the many lives lost from a one-sided story heard, believed and acted on. If we truly understood the irreversible damages caused by a one-sided story, we wouldn’t be so readily predisposed to judge and condemn someone without checking all the facts. Oftentimes, people are quick to blame others in an attempt to feel better about themselves. In the end, who upholds the blame? The conveyer, the listener or both?

Those of you who have been following my blog from it’s creation in 2007, know that I use my stories and experiences in everything I do or say. This article is based on a recent event in my life and has thought me an invaluable lesson. However, this lesson will not change who I am and how I treat others. I am not perfect and I will never attain perfection, but I know not to say things that I may end up regretting. I know not to hurt people for my own gain. I know not to use people. I know how and when to apologize when I am wrong; these are just some of the few things that make me a better human being. It is called humility.

Recently I reconnected with some relatives who lost their mother, to lend a hand and an ear. Though I do not regret it, I wish I never did. Sad thing to say, right? But it’s the truth and I will explain. What I have learnt is that when individuals who do not get along come together, it’s always to destroy. Never to build, but to destroy. People who claim to believe in God, yet out of guilt and shame, accuse others without proof, of senseless things. Individuals who believe that others should suffer because they are in pain, and whose motto is: “an eye for an eye.” However …

“An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.” ― Mahatma Gandhi

To help you better understand this story, I will describe each person here:
– The deceased was my aunt’s first child/daughter and my mother’s niece
– The deceased is survived by her five children: Vera Nwenegmei Mahou, Charlotte Acheba Ajuata, and Honorine Mojoko Ajuata. There are two boys, mischievous in their own ways too, but I will not refer to them by names here since they are not part of this current problem
– The deceased is survived by three sisters: Grace Anong, Felicita Anjiituo, and Elizabeth Anong. She was preceded in death by her brother, who left two daughters behind.
– The level of hatred within their family is unfathomable. After their brother died, it was two sisters against the other two. They only come together to hurt others and/or deprive others of their rights.

In the late 1950’s my aunt gave birth to her first child. This woman lived her life as she pleased, told her children what she wanted them to know (as opposed to what they should have known). Her children grew up and now have families of their own. All they know is what they were told: that their mother was always right and everyone else was wrong. They grow up believing just that, even tough a few of them know there is more to the story, because after all, their mother wasn’t a saint. No one is without fault. For over forty years, there’s an ongoing war within “their own clan”, started by their mother. When you abuse your mother in the presence of your children, what message are you relaying? When you claim something to be yours after acquiring it through a fraudulent method, what message are you relaying? You claim to be a Christian, yet show a totally different side of yourself to your children and to the World, what message are you relaying? Are you not encouraging them to be more like you? Sending a message that they can do or say whatever they want without consequences?

These children, once young adults (mainly the two brothers), begin assaulting their grandmother who was in her sixties (slapping her face when she spoke, pulling the chair off when she was about to sit down resulting in her falling, and so much more). Realizing that no one would come to her aid, not even her own children, she called my father (her brother-in-law) for help. My father connected me to the call and she repeated what she had told him. My father proceeded to call one of the granddaughters, Honorine, who was living there with her siblings, and she confirmed that indeed, her brothers were abusing their grandmother. I requested that officers should be sent to arrest and lock up those involved, but a warning was issued instead. As soon as my cousins (my aunt’s children) heard about my decision, they said it didn’t concern me and insulted me. That’s what I got for attempting to help my aunt who reached out to us. Her own children didn’t care. At the age of seventy-six, my aunt suffered a stroke. My mother called and informed her first daughter, asking her to reconcile with her mother before it’s too late. My cousin replied, “Mi e die nah!” (that’s pidgin for “let her die”). Almost a year and a half later, my aunt died.
The consequences of these sinful actions and behaviors have been passed down from my mother’s niece to her children and those children are unwilling to break the cycle.

“Train up a child in the way he should go, so that even when he is old he will not depart from it.” ― Proverbs 22:6

My mother’s niece died early in the year, and her daughters decided on their own to stir the pot with the support of all three of their dishonest aunts whom they dislike (because their mother disliked them too. The idea of liking and disliking someone because your mother like or dislike them is astonishing). At first, nieces and aunts teamed up to accuse my mother of things they did themselves and then, the nieces began attacking those same aunts.  They blame this despicable behavior on grief. Anyone can clearly see that this has nothing to do with grief; that’s just their true nature, their real self. Out of personal guilt, especially after discovering that their mother had confided in my mother about them negatively, began hating my mother. The bottom line is that some of them want to blame someone for their mother’s death. To them, their mother’s death was not natural, their circumstances are not natural, and it’s unnatural for others to be or do better than them. Do all souls rest in peace? The scripture tells us that those who walk uprightly enter into peace and find rest; however, there is no peace for the wicked (Isaiah 57:21).

“Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death.” ― Isaiah 57:2

Their aunt Felicita continuously gave them partially false information and like idiots, they believed it. They have all used the false information to accused my mother of stealing blessed water that was intended for their brothers and giving it to mine, stating that my brothers are doing really well, while theirs are not. Charlotte went as far as disrespecting my mother, whom she does not know. Since it wasn’t the first time she wrongfully accused and disrespected my mother, my mother placed a ‘conditional curse’ on her in an audio she shared on their family forum. God will have the last say.

This water, blessed about eight years ago by the same grandmother they brutally abused, was handed to my mother’s niece and she told my mother that one of her sons drank from it and the other refused. My mother’s niece who refused to apologize to her mother, asked my mother for this favor. Now, her children waited for her death to question the blessed water. Their brothers are not alright and it’s not surprising. Yes, God is good all the time; however, does God bless the wicked? God doesn’t bless just anyone; He blesses people because He chooses to bless them. These individuals are not remorseful for their sins and are yet to be blessed.

We all know that light attracts nothing but light. Darkness attracts darkness. I never received a video from Vera, Charlotte, or Honorine of their mother’s corpse. Charlotte speaks with conviction that “she knows” about things that never happened; she knows that her aunts are witches. Well, isn’t this the definition of a witch? She seems to have “supernatural powers” that enable her to see past the physical world.

What does the Bible tell us about dishonoring our parents? Dishonoring a parent, especially a good parent, is an offense against God and His law, right? My mother’s niece had contempt for her mother, always wished something bad would happen to her, treated her like she was insignificant, and slapped her mother in the face during an argument (all because my aunt was inquiring about her deceased son’s pension her daughter was collecting and managing without her consent). Until her death, she showed no remorse for her actions. She did not raise her children in a godly manner and the result is what we have today: women with no truth in them.

God does not excuse disrespect to a parent under any circumstance.

“The eye that mocks a father and scorns to obey a mother will be picked out by the ravens of the valley and eaten by the vultures.” – Proverbs 30:17

They blame everything on my mother and I, claiming we are the ones separating their family. As you will see below, their family problems are from within and are still ongoing:

• My mother and I were not there when their mother was abusing her own mother and when the grandchildren were brutally abusing their grandmother.
• My mother and I were not there when their mother fabricated fake documents to aid her collect compensation money following the death of her brother. To tie her mother’s hands and feet, she fabricated a fake marriage certificate showing that her deceased brother was married to his sister Felicita.
• My mother and I were not there when their mother borrowed money from my mother’s elder sister and never fully repaid, creating serious issues up to date.
• My mother and I were not there when their aunt Grace lied and took money from my mother’s elder sister, stating that my mother sent her. Grace refused to repay the debt, stating that she had nothing. By the end of 2010, my aunt got seriously ill and told her children that in case she dies, Grace shouldn’t see her corpse (she cursed Grace). On March of 2011, my aunt died. As soon as Grace heard about the curse, she immediately repaid the debt.
• My mother and I were not there when their aunt Elizabeth extorted money from a man who was hoping to travel abroad, causing one cousin to be imprisoned in hopes of getting the money back. Some amount has been repaid.
• My mother and I were not there when their aunts, Grace and Elizabeth, teamed up and sent their now deceased sister to prison.
• My mother and I were not there a few years ago when Vera was handcuffed and jailed, all thanks to the honest testimony of her sister Honorine.
• My mother and I were not there when Elizabeth sent a text message to her now deceased sister telling her (the deceased) that she is not her family member.
• My mother and I were not there recently when Vera, Charlotte, and Honorine told their aunt Elizabeth that she wasn’t a true child of the family because she doesn’t share the same father as their now deceased mother. What these women seem to forget is that their mother had them with two different men, making their elder sister, Vera, just half a sister (do you see the hypocrisy?)
• My mother and I were not there when Vera decided to make up a false story about their mother educating her late brother’s daughters and even got one of the girls a job with the airlines. I spoke to the eldest daughter and she said they never received a penny from their aunt. They lost their father, but all their aunts benefited from the compensation, while they were cast aside.
• Vera and Charlotte forcefully accused my mother of sending a video of their mother’s corpse to me as well as to their aunts Grace and Elizabeth. It turned out that nothing was sent to anyone, since no video was taken in the first place. They haven’t apologized for the profanity.
• My mother and I were not there recently when Vera, Charlotte, Honorine, and their aunt Elizabeth sent hurtful messages to the eldest daughter of their deceased uncle/brother, telling her they don’t believe she is truly the child of their uncle and a DNA test is needed. All because the daughter inquired about the property built with the money from their father’s compensation.
• My mother and I listened silently, on February 20th, during a conference call as Grace and Elizabeth told Vera that we are not part of their family. That their family only consists of their mother’s children and the children of those children. Due to this revelation, the other cousins no longer consider them as family as well.
• These women still refer to their grandmother as harlot (just as their mother used to). Vera said, “my mother told me that big mami cheated and had Elisa.” Their mother failed to tell them that she used to be a harlot herself. This is something I saw for myself when I was sent to spend the holidays at my aunt’s in 1990 and in 1998.
• Their mother never ate food prepared by her own mother. Instead, after cooking her own food, she would take the pot to her room. This again, I witness for myself. Other than her own sisters, she never helped a single relative, contrary to what her children were told. She never helped anyone for free, money was always involved. Indeed, her life was for her children. Unfortunately, she robbed them of wisdom that comes from truth. Wisdom is applied truth.
  
• Last December my mother sent money, a handbag and shoes to Grace. A couple of weeks later, the same Grace is telling her nieces that my mother is not trustworthy.
• My father is the one who helped their late uncle get the job he had, and my parents are the ones who buried him.
  

Each time my family got involved with them was to give, and to help them reconcile with one another. They are good at pretending to be righteous and using others for personal gain. When my sister died in 1998, the only person who assisted and comforted us from their family was my aunt, their grandmother. My aunt was good and generous to a fault. I have always wondered why God, why the Almighty God, gave evil children to such a good woman?! The only good child amongst her five children was her only son, who died too soon. I know God can decide to give bad children to good parents, and good children to bad parents.

“Avoid doing what you would blame others for doing.” — Thales

These women do not like people talking about their mother; yet, do not hesitate to insult someone else’s mother. They think they can behave however they want and blame it on grief. I know a lot about grief too, as I have lost friends, my only sister, some cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. I was busy reaching out to people for comfort and prayers. I never blamed anyone, I didn’t have time to blame anyone as I was deeply rooted in my own sorrow and struggling to find the face of God. So many of you came through for me, and I will never thank you enough. These women on the other hand are busy blaming others. Vera, the eldest one went as far as telling me that her mother came to her on the night of February 13th, holding her neck while coughing. Out of anger for my mother who didn’t stay with her to help with her brothers, she immediately asked her mother, “did Mama Alice kill you?”. Then the blame shifted from my mother to some other family members. Do you see the sickness and wickedness in this?

All this happened after they gladly accepted our contribution. Let me tell you a story …
I gave $1,000.00. My mother half of that amount, and my brothers gave lesser amounts. One of my brothers gave $200 as you can see on the fundraiser above. Another brother gave $50 and it set them off, and they said it was an insult. They said they would return the money and I replied, “go ahead.” What happened to ‘no amount is too small’? See, they thought my brothers would give as much as I did. Why should they? I am extremely proud of my brothers, all three of them. They don’t use people, they work hard and smart. Why should they give a penny to people who only consider them to be family when they are in need? My senior brother doesn’t know them at all, and none of my junior brothers knew them prior to 2006; they met for the first time in Maryland. During that time, my mother also met Vera and Charlotte for the first time. I have never met Charlotte and do not know her. Not only did my brothers have to endure the bad behavior of the boys from that family, their mother constantly called one of my brothers at odd hours to either pick her up or drop her off. That is the attitude everyone condemn in the family; that twisted feeling of entitlement. Our parents raised us better than that. We will not change who we are, but we will definitely put an end to this unhealthy relationship.

When Vera wed in 2003, she had no intention of inviting me, but she was forced to, by her Pastor and she invited me two days before the wedding. By then it was too late to book a flight, so my husband drove about forty hours from California to Georgia. That was the very first time in my existence seeing her. A couple of months later, she got into a fight with her husband, got severely beaten and fled to her friend’s house. This friend contacted Vera’s mother to alert her of her daughter’s condition. Vera’s mother called me late at night and begged me to go and get her daughter.  I called Vera multiple times, she didn’t answer; so I left a message asking her to come to California if things are too hard for her. Guess what she did? She called her aunt Elizabeth and told her that I want her to divorce her husband. Without questioning the one-sided story, Elizabeth called and insulted me. When Vera had her first and second child, my mother sent her money through her mother. When Charlotte had her child too, my mother visited with her, cooked and cleaned. Now, she has the audacity to disrespect my mother with the encouragement of Vera. When we had our children, none of them did a single thing for us. Again, that twisted feeling of entitlement.

Anyone who doesn’t agree with their views automatically becomes their enemy. When I decided to offer my support, I knew from the get-go that it was a very bad idea, but I still did it. I was just passing through and now I am out of their lives. Life must go on. I thought at least one of them would be different, but they are all the same. Threatening people, lying, scheming, blaming others, concealing their intentions, etc. They all say people should act their age when pretty much everything about them is fake. All their ages were significantly reduced prior to them coming to the States; now they think they are young and can act inappropriately. The eldest is 44 and the youngest should be at least 34 years old. They all have a deceitful image they need to uphold; no one around them truly knows who they are. Sadly, they’ve met me, a person who despises liars and hypocrites, and a person who is out to expose evil.

“The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of people, who suppress the truth by their wickedness.” ― Romans 1:18

Do you know the most interesting part of this story? Charlotte said she will sue me. On what grounds? For speaking the truth? I think she is really losing it or has lost it all together! But then again, maybe she wishes to be deported. I am not into the “he said, she said” nonsense, I have strong evidence.
My only wish is that the case is made public, all parts of it. Why? Because with her own hands, she will open her family’s Pandora’s box. I once peeked into that box; she should peek into it at least once too, to see the truth they all strongly deny, pretend not to know, and refuse to accept.
I was warned by everyone not to approach them since they are known to distort the truth. So, I began recording the phone calls just in case. Whatever they say now, will be compared to what they said then and those of you who thought you actually knew them, will see them in a new light. There might be a possibility of jail time and/or deportation, but that is for a judge to decide. Either way, I am eagerly waiting …

The one-sided stories and gossip they love so much have destroyed their own family. They have accomplished it themselves. Who will they blame now?

“Sheol and Abaddon are never satisfied, and never satisfied are the eyes of man.” – Proverbs 27:20

Yes, in seeking truth, one must get both sides of the story unless one’s aim is destruction.
We cannot make a sound decision based on a one-sided story. Humans are flawed by nature, that is why oftentimes when telling or recounting a story, we chose the version that make us look good. For this reason, blindly believing someone’s story and discrediting someone else’s without creating room for doubt is just wrong. We are free to believe whomever we wish to believe and for whatever reason we wish to believe. But ask yourself a few questions:

• Why is this person telling me this?
• What will this person gain from it?
• Why am I listening to it?
• What is the purpose of knowing it?
• What am I suppose to do with it?
• Is it the whole truth?

If the information you just received is important to you, you are totally entitled to your feelings. However, before accusing someone, make sure you hear their side of the story. Not what you hope to hear, but what they have to say to you. Never judge a person based on rumor, do not use your guilt to make people feel as miserable as you, and treat others the way you would like to be treated.

Though bad habits are hard to change, they can be changed only if the individual wants to change.

The enemy of your enemy is not necessary yours too, though it might happen. The friend of your friend is not automatically your friend, though that may happen as well. Don’t side with people because you want to belong or harm someone else. Don’t side with people because you want to conceal your own sins or prevent truth to be told. Don’t claim you are a good person, and then intentionally sabotage others around you. Lies are oxygen to the wicked as truth is to the righteous. When you consciously decide to falsely accuse someone, be ready to pay the price.

“Nothing is hidden in the World, and no matter how deep you bury a lie, it always finds a way to resurface.” ― Joan Ambu

What I have come to realize is that a lot of people don’t want peace; they just want to tell their story and gain support, regardless of who they hurt along the way. When it comes to personal issues, I do not take sides. Why? Because I honestly believe that there is only one side. Peace. Let me put it this way, even though a coin has two sides, it is still just a single coin, right? Can you scrape off one side and still use the coin for a purchase? No, you can’t because those two sides are needed to make the single coin whole. If a coin becomes useless after damaging one of it’s sides, a person’s life too can be ruined from a one-sided story. A person’s life changes after false accusations.

We should all strive to be patient with one another, understanding, forgiving, and less judgmental. Only then we can redeem all our feelings of guilt.

Always choose to Love.

Vera Nwenegmei Mahou, there’s no living person on this planet Earth who can “deform” your characters. You were all born deformed and enjoy staying that way. You are not just rotten, you are evil to the core.

“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” ― Mark Twain

Last updated: September 3rd, 2022